Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
