If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
