the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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