Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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