I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
