Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
