my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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