I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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