I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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