I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Let's get the cat blown out
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
