I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize