12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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