i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
