You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
two words...techno handjob
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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