First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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