Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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