Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
