She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
