Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
