it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
