Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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