absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
