remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
