high people should be assigned attendants
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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