Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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