:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
porn star boner night. come get it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
