Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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