I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
