he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
