he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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