I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
