Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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