i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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