woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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