At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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