I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
