she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
