I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
