My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
