I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
