i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
