no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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