You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
whose parrot is this?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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