I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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