Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
