Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
