Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
handjob tips. give me some.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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