ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
two words: eviction party
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
