you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
