one might say we're banned from that church
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
