Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
