If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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