watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
