I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
