Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She is in my trunk
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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