yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
