Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
