i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
