I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
