some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
