You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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