omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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