so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This house was built for laser tag.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
