I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
