12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
