its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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