called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
