How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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