Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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