had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
