she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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