so that wasnt chicken after all
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
