just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
