i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
