I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize