did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
