i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
