# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
