How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize