I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
