i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
