I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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