I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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