I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
